Washington, CA

Transilient: "Are you scared about trying to become a father and eventually being a dad?"

ELI : “ I don’t know why, but I am not scared of the common things people are, I’m not scared of screwing a kid up. I’m terrified of the things I can’t control. I used to tell my wife that she needed to text me if she was going to be late and we had to have a serious conversation about how I wasn’t trying to control her and that I’m scared something happened to her. I’ve always been this way. As a child, I had nightmares about something happening to my mother. I’m worried about my kid getting shit because of who their parents are, we are a straight presenting but an unapologetically queer couple. Raising a kid with that could help diversify a kid but I know many people in the world will not be okay with who their parents are. I also worry about things like medical issues, and whether or not my wife will be okay in the pregnancy. I worry too much. I’m not scared of screwing up; I’m scared of the delivery going wrong and I know I will need to let go of all of this. I’m not scared though of embarrassing my kid! My wife says if you judged me purely on my jokes that one would assume I’ve been a dad for a really long time. Right down to the wallet I carry, I look like a dad. I’m always known as the dad of the squad amongst my friends. I mean, so yes, I’m scared of things but I’m excited. ”